2014 MEMOIRS

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Blink blink blink…Type. Blink.
Delete.
Blink blink blink…Type. Sigh.
Delete.
Blink. Ok
When I was thinking about what a year 2014 has, sorry, had been, it occurred to me that it was rather extraordinary. Is there such a thing as sober happiness? Because that is what I felt when I ushered in 2015. Sure there was lotsa dancing, screaming, shouting and a cup of tea later (thank you, I was in church, thank God, and yes, I missed me a shot of sth or a cold tusker malt), but deep inside I was quite ….still. Yes. Still is the word am looking for. Still because some routine had come to an end.yr

You see, for the last 22 years, let’s make it less to take care of the years when numbers were not important to me. For the last couple of years, a new year meant I was always going back to school (read same institution). I was always a student. There are those of you who were lucky to work and study at the same time, or defer to focus on other dreams. I did the whole 8-4-4 system nonstop. *do we still say this?*

In 2014 I finished 8-4-4!!! Thank you Jesus!! Man, finally! I felt like lighting that bonfire they used to do with books over a bottle of wine. 8-4-4 feels like taking a long distance drive during the day. Safari za mchana huchosha {Daytime drives are tiring}. And the grace was sufficient. In the end, it was not the finishing that mattered, but that which preceded it.
2014 was a cruise of self-discovery. I had always envied the people who were so sure of their 10-year plans and such like things. I was the kind of people who knew what they didn’t want as opposed to what they wanted. Well, am still that girl, just better. I know both now. Though am still a work in progress. After two internship stints, I know what career paths to devote my energies to and those not to. Instinct plus self-awareness is a worthy combination. I am eternally grateful to the people who led me here. Did I say I got my driving license the same year, well I did! I was so excited until they told me “now, go on to the real school, hit the highways young lady”. What?? Yeah, I also was in a monogamous relationship in 2014. Enough about me though.

First off,I will remember 2014 as the year this country was given a crash course in matters security. In the end, we screamed the security bosses out of office, thank you Mr. President. Am still wondering what they were doing in that office in the first place. Al Shaabab was the lecturer in charge. We failed the CATs painfully. So painfully the pain of those losses still lingers. Let’s see if we pass the exams that are surely coming our way this year.

Stripping ladies in public. Who the hell does this in this age? In the name of guarding morals, innocent women were molested and taunted. I only had one question to ask, who died and appointed these hooligans guardians of morality? I always thought I knew what morality meant. It was rendered ambiguous in 2014.

The Former Prime Minister was caned in public. Let’s ponder on that for a minute…Have you ever looked at how our honorable statesmen are guarded in public? Not to put any ideas in your heads but aren’t you thankful that assassinations are no longer the order of the day in this country?

Oh boy, in 2014, we were afraid we were going to lose our elephants and rhinos. As an intern at BCD Travel, I had to file any and every news that touched on tourism. For three months, I filed around 3-4 poaching horror stories every week. As a local tourist, and an involved one for that matter, I will tell you first hand that seeing an animal in its natural habitat makes you appreciate its existence that much more. So much that when you see one hurt that bad, it makes you want to cry. Let us help catch that mysterious Muchina character this year.

Kanyari. The end times are here. Believe it. Let those with eyes see, and those with ears hear what the spirit of the Lord is saying through Jicho Pevu.

KNEC [Kenya National Examination Council], abolished the ranking of schools based on performance in national exams. I did not get why they were trying so hard to sound original about it. A number of Kenyans had been complaining about it for decades. So did we until we resigned ourselves to the thrill of the sport (ranking). I’ll miss that.

Vanishing into thin air. This phrase was made too real in 2014 with that Malaysian flight tragedy. And scary too. “where is that massive plane as we speak?” I mean, how?! Maybe those alien stories are not just stories me thinks…
While the government was scrambling on security matters on land, they were getting hold of the cyber space. And did they crack the whip on a couple of brothers! With or without cause, it’s a step in a worthy direction.

Will we ever migrate to digital television? I thought we would all be ready by now. Especially since we were given almost 12 months’ notice. They did something to that directive in 2014 and it was not to effect it. Kenyans, you amuse me.

Do you all remember the quail craze that had hit the country back in 2013? The castle of get rich quickly crashed in 2014. If you had fallen in love with the birdies I suggest you hop on that wagon now. I can guarantee you a comfortable coach with all the benefits. No more overcrowding and minimal returns.

WWE. Wrestling. If you are fan, you remember WrestleMania 30. In 2014, the Streak was broken. 21-1. Even as I type this I am reliving the shock of that match. For 21 years, 21 WrestleMania PPVs (pay-per-view), the Undertaker (he must be the only man I cheer who gives me cold chills) won these exclusive matches. He established an unrivaled era. And then one Brock Lesner (I detest him by the way) smashes a sacred era in the WWE Universe. Just like that. The Ultimate Warrior also passed on in 2014. Enough with the tragedies.blog stuff

Celebrations soothe a wounded heart after a tragedy. It’s only prudent. And what better way than my favorite Premier League team winning the FA Cup title!! After 8 years of trophy drought, Arsenal finally showed some signs of recovery. I know you are wondering why one would stay and cheer a team on for 8 years. Am a follower not a fan. A believer and sycophant. And faithful to a fault.

Don’t you all just love Margaret Kenyatta, our first lady? I for one wish I knew her story, which am sure is nothing short of impressive. 2014 revealed the country’s first lady to her people who am sure were (or still are) confused about the function and roles of her office.

Oh my God, was booty was glorified in 2014!! I mean, between the second coming of Christ and the glory of having a big ass, am not sure which received more publicity. From our own backyard we had Vera Sidika and some video vixens I remember reading about in an edition of pulse. Then Nicki Minaj took it to a whole level with Anaconda! That verse, “f**ck all the skinny bitches in the club”…what was that for??? J-lo and Iggy just had to throw in Booty to make a point. And Konshens. When will you ever feature a different dancing style other than you know what in your videos?

Now if you’re wondering where the next generation of millionaires and billionaires is going to come from, stop wondering. The soil is going to breed them. And I happen to be one of them. Nation Media, God bless them, started running the agriculture pull out “Seeds of Gold” in 2014 in the Saturday Nation. Now if you are discerning and knowledgeable, you know our country’s food security is crap, and I say this with all the love in my heart. Everything around us, let me speak for myself, is screaming agriculture is the way to go. Juliani did a whole campaign on the same. Now Standard Media Group have intensified the sign (for the doubting Thomases) with their pull out “Smart Harvest”. Do I need to say more?

Business wise (am not well informed to comment on anything with confidence) so please enlighten me.

Finally, Machakos County was at it again. This time with The Miss World title. Did you know that this great county of mine produced the reigning Miss World Kenya? Idah Nguma K? (I happen to know that K name, we were in the same class in high school, hehe). She went on to clinch the 7th position at the miss world pageant in London. Pretty envious right!
There are a lot of things that transpired in 2014. Way too many. Am thankful because through it all, Mungu alibaki kuwa Mungu (God remained God through it all). Am definitely coming back with more.
What are your most memorable memoirs?

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