You will eat your words

Posted on

The weave: Windy by Expression.

“There’s so many weaves I think would look gorgeous on your head”

“You do realise you’re talking to a person with dreadlocks”


“I didn’t grow dreadlocks so I can cover them with a weave!” , “tsk”

“Nitahakikisha umeweka weave kwa hio kichwa yako”

“Seriously, chiq… One, I hate weaves. Two, it’s not like I have never tried them. Remember that time nikiwa first year I had one and then I undid it the morning of the next day? Eeh? ”

Why-the-hell-are-you-fighting-me-on-this-one look is thrown my way.

“Kwa nini unataka kunifanya { because I sense my will is being broken in this matter} niweke weave?

” Juu utakaa poa… ” { that tone you use when explaining an obvious point that of course is not so obvious to the other party} ” Kwanza Bonnie atakuweka vizuri”
Bonnie is her hairdresser.

{With an attitude on my face} “Sitaki weave. Na siweki weave”

This was a conversation, debate I had with my younger sister about me wearing a weave. You see, I have dreadlocks. I have had them for two years now and I absolutely love them. Since I was a kid, I wanted to have locks but growing up in Mukuru kwa Reuben where they were spotted by everyone your parents didn’t want you to grow up and be like, I obviously wasn’t growing them. Mostly, I loved how everyone I knew who had locks had a lot of hair. I mean like a lot. I love voluminous hair. Especially when it’s twisted to locks and the result is a glorious mane. *Insert dreamy eyes*  Now that I think about it, when I was growing up, it’s only dudes who had locks. And in Mukuru kwa Reuben, if you were a landlord, those are the guys you didn’t want staying in your plot. I don’t know what we can equate to trouble at first sight nowadays but in those days, dreadlocks spelt and screamed trouble seasoned with an unhealthy dose of violence. People were not experimental and as creative with hairstyles or hair for that matter back then. The things that used to  earn us a whopping  would give the ICC reason enough to justify their existence today  so I don’t want to imagine what would have happened to me if I had shaved one half of my head, dyed and braided the other or sijui put a fraction of a weave { who came up with this style anyway?} on the remaining tuft. My, how times have changed.

I was pretty conservative with hairstyles when I cleared high school. If I can be honest, the truth is I was unimaginative and uninspired and boring, hehe. I used to spot those lines za kuongeza. Where I come from they are called line za mdomo. Pronounced mdo-mo. Don’t ask. I used to wear them jet black and occasionally brown ( for those bold moments, *cringe*). Don’t. Even I have a hard time remembering that girl. I am nothing like her. Hehe. Then I went to college in the far away land of Kesses in Wareng’ County, yaani Eldoret. You know how you used to read about provinces in geography books and they were just that? Facts in a book? The great Rift Valley was that for me except for that one time we went to the Menengai Crater when I was in class eight and another time we went to Magadi and some other archaeological sites when I was in form four. That was it for me. The Rift was the land of important geographic features and archaeological sites. For seventeen years I think I knew one kale, Joan. She was the only kale in our class in high school for the entire four years. I think she was the only kale in that school if my memory serves me right.  Anyhuu, I got creative and bold with my hair in college  long before I knew the  word  creative could also be used when talking hair manenos. I played with colors and volume ( especially the volume). I could use as many as twelve packets of braids all at once. I played with dyes and went all out with the naturalista craze. If you give me  five minutes of your time I promise I can convert you into a believer. I didn’t have enough time to try out the partial shaving though.

But am a more curious creature and my curiosity most times trumps all the  anti streaks in my system.

This one time when I was a freshman and still swimming in the goodness of HELB, I decided to try out a weave. I was anti-weave, have been anti – weave for as long as I can remember. If mean things have been said about weaves, you can be sure I was helping put firewood to keep that fire, bonfire burning.But am a more curious creature and my curiosity most times trumps all the  anti streaks in my system. So I went ahead and bought a weave and took it to Solo. When I was in first year he was the hair whisperer in campus. Solo did his thing and for the five or so minutes it took me to walk to the hostel, I imagined myself invisible.
My God! how uncomfortable I felt and the head on my neck didn’t feel like mine! It felt like a blanket had been sewn onto my head. Curiosity satisfied and the anti streak strongly screwed back on, I didn’t wear a weave or so much as think about it, well, until my sister happened.

The funny thing is, after I said these words in my head, so many people have since said them to me this year. And it’s barely been two months! Looking back, it’s not just people, even life itself has been giving me that smile that says “sorry, what is it you said to catch you dead doing again?” To which I reply with that smile that says, “fine fine… may be you were right after all”

That look again, intensely this time.

“Fine, you were right”

Life, smiling to itself, goes back to filing its nails.

It’s a humbling experience really. When you’re silenced by that smile. The one smiled by life. The one that smiles at your incredulous view of how you think your life is going to turn out.

Unfortunately, some of your friends will not be as smooth, am avoiding the word gentle because while life may smile at you when you get the point, the lesson is by no means gentle. Your friends will DEFINITELY remind you how you swore off a particular thing/habit/person/place in your EXACT words. They will probably remember the time and place. If your friends are anything like mine, they will laugh their bellies out at you                 {Memo} and I mean, loudly or quarrel you for delivering such news without first buying them a strong drink {You know yourselves}.

‘Everything in life remains to be seen’

It’s as if the universe knows that we need the constant reminding just in case we self-righteously exalt our inadequate smartness, insufficient insight and lack of or undefined vision. Has Facebook pulled up a memory from your past that has either made you smile or cringe at yourself? I saw a memory from four years ago  of one of my best friends  where another friend was laughing at her because she had apparently sworn not to ever sign up on Facebook… { what’s with friends and laughing at each other anyway} I think at this point it is safe to say that you should not swear off anything tech or tech-related, unless you’re celebrating your 99th birthday this year. And please, don’t quarrel or beat up anyone who jumps on the bandwagon way ahead of you because whether you like it or not, you will eat humble-pie sooner than you think.

‘Everything in life remains to be seen’. I picked that from a movie I was watching and I couldn’t help but think how appropriate and true that statement is. I didn’t create myself and the fact that I have zero control of my oxygen supply or the fact that I am simply  baffled and cannot process human experiences such as child birth persuades me that that statement is sooo very true {pardon me, millennial habits}. I have eaten the humble pie quite a lot recently. I don’t know what that says about me as a person but it all has been in happy circumstances. I have actually become very conscious of using the words ‘never’ or , oh , this one here is an absolute rib-cracker, ‘catch me dead…{insert object/thing/habit/place/person being sworn off}

You will eat your words. You mark these words and don’t you dare roll your eyes at them. Ati what is that we will catch you dead doing again? Hahaha. Catch we will catch you and I can promise you that you will not be anywhere near dead. We have to laugh our bellies out anyway and life has to file its nails while you watch. My prayer for you {because wishing is for people who don’t understand the commanding power of prayer} is for you to join in in the laughter after you eat your serving of humble pie.That in that  circumstance and after, your life will change for the better. That you will be more curious and open-minded than closed up and cynical.

That said, I am taking off this weave, I can’t believe I have survived this heat and humidity in it. However, am seriously wondering how I would look in color 900 of the same weave *musing*









2 thoughts on “You will eat your words

    Franklin said:
    February 16, 2016 at 12:40 am

    I can attest this… Weave( where on earth did this name come from.?) “Weaver bird? That’s a beautiful bird I love it. I am kale the second kale you ever knew?” This is a good one dear… Keep the locks dreadlocks, baby locks any lock is just awesome…


    MisterLeft said:
    February 16, 2016 at 6:48 am

    Dear Discovery Woman,
    Even me I knew you could look like money in a weave.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s